Thursday, September 4, 2008

HELLO..

GOSH, WHAT A LONG MONTH AND A HALF IT HAS BEEN. I HAVE BEEN READING MY SISTERS COMMENTS AND IT MAKES ME CRY. SHE IS SUCH A SWEET WOMAN WITH A HEART OF GOLD. SHE IS MY BEST FRIEND AND ALWAYS HAS BEEN.
SHE AND I DO SHARE SOME OF THE SAME THOUGHTS. I TOO, PRAYED FOR A MIRACLE FOR BOB. I DIDN'T PRAY GODS WILL EITHER. I JUST PRAYED FOR WHAT I WANTED. AS YOU ALL KNOW, I DIDN'T GET WHAT I CONSIDERED A MIRACLE. BUT, ONLY GOD AND BOB KNEW WHAT WAS BEST FOR BOB. FROM THE TIME BOB WAS CONCEIVED, GOD KNEW HOW LONG HE WOULD WALK THIS EARTH. I AM JUST GLAD THAT BOB WAS SPIRITUALLY READY. HE WASN'T ALWAYS READY, BUT HE DID GIVE HIS LIFE TO THE LORD ABOUT EIGHT YEARS AGO, AND THAT HELPS US A LOT. I SPEND A LOT OF TIME TRYING TO IMAGINE JUST WHAT HE IS SEEING AND EXPERIENCING. IS HE GETTING TO SPEND ALL DAY LONG CATCHING UP WITH HIS DADDY, GRANDPA ALLIE? IS HE ROCKING LINDSEY DAWN, LIKE HE ROCKED ABBY AND ANNA? I TOO WONDER ABOUT THE NEW TRUCK.. IS HE STILL A FORD MAN, OR HAS HE WENT BACK TO DRIVING A DODGE?
THE OTHER DAY, WHILE WE WERE IN THE POOL, ABBY ASKED A GOOD QUESTION. SHE SAID, "MAMA, DO YOU THINK PAPA-DOO CAN SEE US SWIMMING?" IT MADE ME WONDER.. IS HE SEEING US CRY ALL OF THESE TEARS THAT NEVER SEEM TO DRY? I HAVE ALWAYS HEARD THAT THERE ARE NO TEARS AND PAIN IN HEAVEN. I AM HOPING THAT HE ISN'T SEEING ALL OF THIS SADNESS.
I FIND MYSELF VISITING HIS GRAVE AT LEAST ONCE A DAY. SOMETIMES IT IS TWO TIMES. I AM AFRAID THAT PEOPLE THINK I HAVE LOST MY MIND. MY HEART IS STILL SHATTERED AND I DON'T KNOW THAT IT IS EVER GOING TO HEAL. I FEEL SO BAD FOR MOM. SHE HAS YET TO STAY ALONE FOR EVEN ONE NIGHT. I KNOW THAT SHE HAS TO BE JUST MISERABLE. I CAN'T STAND IT WHEN DANNY GOES ON A WEEK LONG HUNTING TRIP. I STILL CRY THE WHOLE TIME HE IS GONE. I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO KNOW THAT HE WILL NEVER COME BACK. BUT.. MY MOTHER IS A FAITHFUL CHRISTIAN WOMAN. SHE HAS ALWAYS SET A GOOD EXAMPLE FOR US TO FOLLOW. I, BEING THE REBELIOUS ONE, HAVEN'T ALWAYS FOLLOWED HER LEAD. BUT, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE WAY SHE RAISED ME. SHE ALWAYS TAUGHT US TO PAY OUR TYTHES. I CAN REMEMBER TIMES THAT WE WOULD BE BROKE, BUT SHE NEVER FAILED TO PAY THEM. GOD ALWAYS SEEMED TO MAKE A WAY FOR US, AND I GUESS THAT IS BECAUSE SHE HAS ALWAYS HAD FAITH.

MY REAL DAD, STEVE, WROTE A LETTER ABOUT BOB. I WILL TRY MY HARDEST TO GET IT ON HERE SO THAT YOU ALL CAN READ IT. HE HAS SO MANY MEMORIES WITH HIM. HE TOLD ME THAT HE AND BOB WORKED TOGETHER MANY YEARS AGO. BOB WOULD PICK HIM UP FOR WORK. HE SAID THAT BOB'S FAVORITE SONG WAS- I FEEL LOVE... BY DONNA SUMMERS. (I THINK!) HE SAID HE WAS NEVER SO TIRED OF ONE SONG! HE SAID BOB WOULD PLAY IT OVER AND OVER!
HE ALSO TOLD ME THAT HE USED TO DROP BOB OFF AT THE BEAUTY SHOP SO HE COULD GET A PERM (OR AFRO). CAN YOU IMAGINE BOB WITH AN AFRO? LOL

ANYWAY.. I WILL LET YOU ALL GO. I NEEDED TO VENT A LITTLE. PLEASE CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR ALL OF US. WE REALLY NEED ALL WE CAN GET. YOU ARE GREAT FRIENDS TO US AND WE APPRECIATE ALL YOU HAVE DONE.

THANKS AGAIN,
MANDI

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