HELLO

I JUST WANTED TO CHECK IN. MONDAY WILL BE TWO WEEKS SINCE BOB WENT TO JESUS. AS HAPPY AND EXCITED AS I AM FOR HIM, MY HEART STILL HURTS. I TRY MY HARDEST TO BLOCK MY FEELINGS, BUT MOST DAYS THE TEARS START ROLLING AS SOON AS I THINK ABOUT HIM. I SAW HIS TRUCK TODAY AND IT MADE ME SAD. THURSDAY, ON THE WAY TO THE CEMETERY, WE PASSED MOM'S HOUSE. THERE SET HIS TRUCK IN THE BACK YARD. HE REALLY LOVED HIS TRUCK. I CAN'T IMAGINE THE PLACES THAT IT TOOK HIM. OBVIOUSLY IT TOOK HIM LOTS OF PLACES, BECAUSE HIS MILEAGE WAS REALLY HIGH! IT MADE ME SAD, KNOWING THAT HE WOULD NEVER DRIVE THAT TRUCK AGAIN.
AND THEN, THERES HIS REMOTE CONTROL TRUCK. HE LOVED TO RACE THAT SILLY TRUCK. ABBY AND ANNA WERE SO SCARED (OR SKOOKY AS AB CALLS IT) OF THAT TRUCK! HE WAS SO PROUD OF IT!
WHEN HE FIRST GOT SICK AND WENT INTO THE HOSPITAL, I WENT OUT AND GOT HIS DIRTY LAUNDRY OUT OF THE TRUCK. I WASHED IT AND BAGGED IT UP, NOT KNOWING THAT HE WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO WEAR IT AGAIN. AND WHAT ABOUT THOSE SHOES WE GOT HIM FOR FATHERS DAY? WE WENT ALL OUT TO FIND HIM A PAIR THAT WEREN'T SOLID WHITE.. WE WERE TRYING TO GET HIM OUT OF THE 80'S! HE REALLY LIKED THEM, BUT DIDN'T GET ANY WEAR OUT OF THEM.
I HAVE ALWAYS SAID THAT I WOULDN'T WANT TO GO BACK. BUT IF I COULD, FOR JUST A FEW MINUTES, I WOULD. JUST TO TELL HIM THAT I LOVED HIM AND APPRECIATED HIM VERY MUCH. TO TELL HIM WHAT A GREAT GRANDPA HE WAS TO MY BOYS. I HATE IT THAT GOD TOOK HIM. I KNOW THAT HE HAS A PURPOSE FOR EVERYTHING THAT HE DOES, BUT IT ISN'T FAIR. I FEEL LIKE MY WHOLE LIFE HAS CHANGED FOREVER. I KNEW THAT I LOVED HIM, BUT NOW I REALLY KNOW JUST HOW SPECIAL HE WAS TO ME. IT MAKES ME ANGRY THAT HE ISN'T HERE TO SEE HOW WELL SETH IS DOING IN THE SECOND GRADE. HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THAT ABBY MADE IT THROUGH HER FIRST FEW WEEKS IN KINDERGARTEN. I KNOW THAT I SHOULDN'T BE ANGRY, BUT I AM.
YESTERDAY, MOM HAD ANNA AND HAD SOME THINGS SHE NEEDED TO DO, SO I WENT OUT TO WATCH ANNA. MOM INFORMED ME THAT ANNA FOUND BOB'S PHONE AND SAID, " NAN, I WANT TO TALK TO PA-DOO AND I WANT TO CALL HEAVEN." SHE THEN ACTED LIKE SHE WAS CALLING AND SAID THAT HE DIDN'T ANSWER. I FEEL SO BAD FOR HER. SHE REALLY DOESN'T HAVE A CLUE. SHE IS PROBABLY WONDERING WHEN SHE WILL SEE HIM. I HOPE THAT SHE REMEMBERS HIM AS MUCH AS THE OTHER GRANDKIDS. THEY ALL HAVE WONDERFUL MEMORIES OF HIM.

ON THE BRIGHTER SIDE.. MY BIOLOGICAL FATHER, STEVE, AND MY STEP-MOTHER, SONYA, BOUGHT THE KIDS AND I A DOG. SHE IS AN 8 WEEK OLD YORKIE AND WE NAMED HER LULA BELLE. SHE IS ALREADY A DADDY'S GIRL. I THINK THEY BOUGHT HER TO TAKE MY MIND OFF OF ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED. I APPRECIATE IT, BUT NOW, I'M NOT ONLY THINKING OF THAT, I AM NOW SLEEP DEPRIVED!!!!! LOL!!! I FEEL LIKE I DID WHEN SETH WAS BORN.. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.. I DOZE OFF DURING THE DAY AND I ABSOLUTELY DREAD NIGHT TIME! I KNOW THAT SHE WILL BE HOWLING HER LUNGS OUT! BUT, I LOVE HER AND SHE IS JUST BEAUTIFUL!

IN CLOSING, THANKS FOR LETTING ME RAMBLE ON AND ON. I SURE NEEDED TO RAMBLE TONIGHT! PLEASE CONTINUE TO KEEP US IN YOUR PRAYERS. THANKS FOR KEEPING UP WITH THE BLOG!

MANDI