Just checking in with you all..

HEY! I'M NOT EVEN SURE IF ANYONE IS READING THE BLOG ANYMORE, BUT IT SEEMS TO BE THE ONLY WAY FOR ME TO VENT. IF YOU ARE READING THIS, I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND ME GOING ON AND ON AND ON.

AS I SAID IN THE LAST POST, THIS WEEK HAS BEEN THE HARDEST WEEK OF MY LIFE. I LOOK AT THE PICTURES AT MOMS AND LOOK AT THE PICTURES ON THIS BLOG, AND ASK MYSELF, " MANDI, HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW THAT SOMETHING WAS WRONG?". HE LOOKS SO HEALTHY IN ALL OF THE PICTURES AND IT IS SO STRANGE TO ME! THERE WAS A PICTURE OF BOBBY AND MOM THAT WAS TAKEN EARLIER THIS YEAR. THEY WERE IN BRANSON FOR MARRIED COUPLES RETREAT. THEY BOTH LOOKED SO HAPPY AND HEALTHY.

I AM REMEMBERING THE TIMES WHEN I WAS GROWING UP. I WAS SO REBELIOUS, BUT ONLY TO MOM. BOBBY LET ME DO MOST OF THE THINGS THAT I WANTED. HE WAS THE ONE TO GIVE ME GAS MONEY AND LOAN ME THE TRUCK- EVEN WHEN I DIDN'T HAVE DRIVERS LICENSE. I AM SURE THAT MOTHER RAISED THE ROOF WITH HIM WHEN HE WOULD LET ME GO OUT WITH MY FRIENDS! I FEEL SO BAD ABOUT THAT NOW. I FEEL GUILTY BECAUSE I TOOK HIM FOR GRANTED.

THE LAST WEEKEND THAT HE WAS HOME, I WAS BABYSITTING FOR CHAS AND ERIC. IT WAS EARLY SUNDAY MORNING ( 7AM) WHEN MOM CALLED ME. SHE WANTED ME TO GET THE KIDS UP AND BRING THEM OUT TO HER HOUSE SO BOBBY COULD SEE ALL OF THEM BEFORE HE LEFT FOR CHURCH. BEING A SELFISH TALE, I TOLD HER THAT I WASN'T WAKING THEM UP. EVENTUALLY, I HEARD A KNOCK AT THE DOOR AND IT WAS MOM AND BOBBY. ABBY AND ANNA GRACE HELD ON TO HIM LIKE IT HAD BEEN MONTHS SINCE THEY LAST SAW HIM. IT HAD BEEN WEEKS, I'M SURE. HE HAD BEEN GONE MOST OF THE SUMMER. I REGRET BEING SO UGLY ABOUT IT.

TODAY, WE STARTED CLEANING BOBS YARD. WE HAD TO MOW DOWN THE GARDEN BECAUSE IT WAS NOTHING BUT WEEDS. DANNY AND ERIC JUST DIDN'T HAVE THE TOUCH TO KEEP THE GARDEN ALIVE. I TEARED UP AS MOM AND I PULLED UP THE OKRA AND TOMATO PLANTS. I KNEW THAT WAS THE LAST GARDEN THAT HE PLANTED AND I WAS SAD TO SEE IT GO. WE ALSO CLEANED OUT HIS SHOP. IT WAS A MESS, BUT JUST THE WAY BOBBY LIKED IT. HE COULD FIND ANYTHING IN THERE, BUT MOM COULDN'T. ERIC, CHAS, DEREK, MOM, AND I WORKED ALL DAY. WE THREW AWAY LOTS OF EMPTY CANS AND BOTTLES AND CHARGERS FROM GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT. BOBBY WAS A PACK RAT AND WOULDN'T THROW ANYTHING AWAY! AS BAD AS WE HATED IT, UNCLE BJ CAME AND GOT BOB'S TWO BIRDS. HE AND GARY WAYNE CLEANED OUT THE SIDE OF THE SHED THAT THE BIRDS WERE IN AND TOOK IT ALL TO BJ'S HOUSE. THAT WAY HE CAN HAVE A PART OF BOB ALSO. ONE GOOD THING IS THAT MOM WILL NOW BE ABLE TO GET THE LAWN MOWER IN AND OUT OF THE SHOP. IT LOOKS SO NICE IN THERE AND I AM SURE THAT BOBBY IS PROUD OF THE SHOPS NEW LOOK!

I DID VISIT THE CEMETARY BEFORE I CAME HOME TONIGHT. IT STILL ISN'T ANY EASIER. I DREAD THE RAIN AND SNOW THAT WILL EVENTUALLY COME. I REALIZE THAT HE ISN'T IN THAT GRAVE, BUT IT IS STILL HARD. I WOULDN'T WISH THIS PAIN ON MY WORST ENEMY.. NOT EVER! MOM SEEMS TO BE OKAY.. I AM SURE THAT SHE CRIES HERSELF TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT. SHE GETS UPSET WHEN CHAS' GIRLS ASK WHERE THEIR PAPA-DOO IS. ANNA SAYS SHE WANTS TO GO TO HEAVEN TO SEE PA-DOO. IT IS SO SAD.

I WAS THINKING OF THE THINGS I'D MISS ABOUT BOB. EVERY SUNDAY MORNING, WHEN THEY WOULD BRING SETH HOME, SETH WOULD SMELL JUST LIKE BOB. I WILL MISS THAT SMELL. IT WAS CURVE, I THINK. I WILL MISS OUR CAMPING TRIPS, THANKSGIVING, CHRISTMAS AND EVERY OTHER HOLIDAY. I REMEMBER FATHERS DAY THIS YEAR. CHAS AND I BOUGHT HIM A NEW PAIR OF TENNIS SHOES AND A BOOK ABOUT DADDY'S. WHEN HE READ THE CARD, HE TEARED UP. NEXT MONDAY WILL BE THE FIRST HOLIDAY WITHOUT HIM. PLEASE PRAY THAT IT WILL BE AS EASY AS IT CAN BE FOR US. WE WILL FOREVER MISS HIM!

I WON'T KEEP YOU ANY LONGER. PLEASE CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR US. PRAY THAT THE HURT WILL GET EASIER FOR ALL OF US. THANKS SO MUCH FOR ALL THAT YOU ARE AND ALL THAT YOU HAVE DONE FOR OUR FAMILY. I WILL POST LATER.

THANKS SO MUCH,
MANDI